Tuesday, 22 January 2013

The Showing of Teeth

Are you ready? Together we're going to take a deep breath; get good and angry, get ready to bite. You need to really be prepared for this one. We're going to practice the showing of teeth.

Start by opening your jaws very wide, open them till just before the click. There's a big cat waiting to crawl past your goofy front teeth, pad ever-so-soft over that velvet tongue and slither down your throat to your belly. You don't need a kitchen chair or a gold whip that cracks like cheap plaster or a round technicolour tent with sawdust on the floor. Let's play dentist, let me be your nurse and doctor. Open up. That's it. He's a good beast and he's going inside.

So now you are here with this beast in your belly, it's a strange feeling, but that's okay. There's a whole world of asshole out there and it's better, sometimes it's better, to be ready to be angry before you are. You’ve a comeback now for the cut-in-liners and the ones who tap their phones in the metafiction aisle. All you have to do is let the velveteen tigress swat a paw from your throat, let her growl at their ankles, let her snap. I'm not even demanding you force her to bite.

But maybe, actually, wouldn't biting feel good? Isn't all that’s come for far really just throat clearing before we get down to the actual business of it? Doesn't he piss you off, really, wouldn't you like to open your jaws wide, not to let some other cat lithe in, but just to pull like a rabbit snare and SNAP. Munch your mouth around gristle and skin, tear a sinew, snap an oozing socket and bury your face in the goo?

That, my friend, sounds like a party.

Why don't we host it? Make up dinky watercolour flyers with mint green borders and pasted pink stars, with WE'RE HAVING A PARTY!! written in marker point pen. We could send them to our neighbours, those stern looking adults we see on the stairs, we could invite them round for cake and balloons and teeth.

Doesn't that sound like something we could do? Don't you think that maybe it would be a blast?

If we're going to get horrid, we might as well get horrid, so let's throw a nice night in with entrails for bunting and screw the assholes who'd report us to health and safety for the dripping, screw the assholes who'd report us to the police. I've got a gold plastic phone that calls directly to Ms Kali. I have a box full of matches that have no need for candle wicks.

My friend, you have a nice face and I am sure you are a nice girl so let us sit down together and practice our teeth. I don't know if you've ever really ripped a man's throat out because you were curious about Adam and the apple. But I bet that, if you wanted, you have it in you to feast.

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