Tuesday, 19 May 2009

dream recorded at 2.47am

Being chased by the silver hummer I am scrabbling up the earthy hill again and again, I have lost my bag somewhere, I have thrown away my jacket and I try to head for the silver fences set up like festival barriers, because then perhaps I can hide behind them. I know they are high-spirited and essentially benevolent kids, but then they are pissed and it is really dangerous and I can't get away quick enough and it turns towards me and roars and goes to ram. I climb onto the fence and grab onto the ribbons trailing from the vehicle and fling myself around the back of it. I use the momentum to scatter away and try to make it to the top of the hill.

The women are there and they are outraged and scared: there is the constant feeling that I must report this, that even though I come from elsewhere I have been a part of it, but although they are watching it happen to someone else with much discussion and horror, they don't much listen what it has done to me. At first I feel safe now, there are things to hide behind here, the weekend party house is painted black and yellow with intricate patterns on the bricks. Maybe it will even be fun now. And they are discussing how this is how it has to be, the girl has a kiwi accent and she is not happy that she has to open her world to these horrid things just because she has this house and wants a party. But they agree she has posted it now and people will come, and we must buckle together for the sake of things.

Then the huge sawn-off bases of trees start to schlump up the hill like guinea pigs or jelly fish and everyone is freshly terrified and says “they might as well be the...” One girl is going off on a mission, and I have just realised that it must be a dream, because this is insane, but then I think what if I have just been catapulted into this world for real? But because I have no context or explanation, I realise it must be dreams (if I were moved into this reality, surely they would tell me). I will follow her and maybe that way I will learn something about the topography of the area and the rituals that go on. We approach a huge anteater mammoth who looks like Alf but more glistening and CGI, and though it's gaping its mouth and snarling its teeth I know it is ok, I am invincible in dreams, so I play smush its face and hug it and swoop up into the air, and I can fly, and it's magnificent, that first updraft, I soar around over all the upturned creatures until I reach the top. I realise suddenly the sky is not endless, it is a ceiling onto which a fake sky is painted, and I realise this is not really the end of everything. I am trying to find out what happens and I am safe in the air and it is good and I want to know, so I cut through the tarp in a long motion but this is a bad idea, this lets the polar bear out to travel along the beams and suddenly I have plummeted way down. After the roof of reality there are beams, and as the tarps of reality bend down, the animals can travel around them, and I am having difficult flying now, and maybe I am in air under water and I need to get up through it

to get up higher
to be out of the reach of these creatures
to be safe.

And then I am in the water 
and I can't breathe
and I am fighting upwards,
and then

I am awake.